16 weeks so far so good

The initial ohhh shit hasnt worn off totally however I am getting increasingly comfortable with the change that is going to hit us in a few months time.  I may be slightly deluding myself, however lets see what happens.

Since i last updated, a number of things have happened.  The first scan was an interesting event.  Your wife and you are brought in to a room with a very understanding midwife.  I must say, our midwife was lovely, very enthusiastic about our news.  I must take my hat off to midwives, as they are all great (the ones i have met), because I think eventually I would just turn round and go through the motions of a job.  Midwives get involved, they are a critical member of the team and they appreciate how much of a change this is going to be especially for first time parents.

The scan begins, and I will be honest, I was slightly frightened that I didnt feel emotional and want to cry at the sight of my son or daughter on the screen, I didnt feel a connection yet.  This is something I have chatted to a couple of friends who have unfortunately been through miscarriages with their partners.  They are devastated at the loss of a baby and concerned for their partners health, however they have a degree of guilt as they dont feel as connected as their partner does.  This I am sure is only natural given their partner is carrying their child.

I degrees, the scan went great and nothing to be concerned about.  It is scary how much you can see, gone are the days where you look and have to take the midwifes word that there is something there!  We didnt go for the 3D or 4D scans you can get these days, I dont think you need to go to that extreme!!!

Our next appointment was at 16 weeks, and compared to the 12 week scan was very quick.  During this appointment, there wasnt a full scan however we were able to hear the heartbeat which didnt bring a dose of reality again, and to be honest I probably felt more of a connection upon hearing the heart beat than I didnt at 12 weeks.

The news that will change your life but not as you know it

Elbert Hubbard said ““The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.”  Ok I admit I googled life changing quotes to have a good starting point however the quote does seem to make sense given the change to my life that is going to happen over the next weeks, months and years!

On the 2nd September 2012 I found out life was going to change as my wife and I were expecting our first child.  There are loads of books, articles etc for the expectant mother, and what she should expect, however I very quickly realised I knew absolutely nothing about the journey of my future son or daughter over the next seven months (my wife was six weeks pregnant), how it was going to affect me, or how I could prepare.

This is not meant to be a hard line story on the father, if anything it is how I want to be as well prepared as possible for the birth of my first son or daughter and be as ready as possible!

Firstly, there are a number of things which immediately go through an expectant fathers head: Oh great that is brilliant news and Oh shit someone has to rely upon me.  However as an expectant father, I was somewhat aware the next seven months were not going to affect me as much as my wife.  My wifes was going to change physically and bond with our new born, and if I am honest I was worried about how I was going to bond with our new baby before the birth.  Some friends have made comments “Ohh when the baby comes, you will love it more than anything”, however how do I know I will.  I meet people everyday in my line of work and sometimes I dont particulary like them, how do I know I will ‘love’ this new person who will arrive in seven months.

I already had a number of concerns going round in my head, how is this going to affect us financially, how is this going to affect my running (I will comeback to this), how is this going to affect our lives, how are we going to cope and how do I make sure I dont completely and utterly mess this up, as you cant exactly go “Ah well, we gave it a go, better luck next time!”

First off, my wife is brilliant, beautiful, intelligent and everything I could ever wish for in a wife.  About three years ago I travelling back and forward to the US and Canada for work quite a bit, and my wife took on the day to day running of the house (combined with her own job) to help me manage the travelling and work load.  Even though the travelling has stopped and I have moved to a job which keeps me closer to home, my wife has still kept this role, probably because it suited me and it was easy.  I know that sounds harsh, however sometimes it is easier just to continue the status-quo.   I immediately knew from the news that this situation would have to change, I was going to have to step up.